


I want you to come home

by doctovstrange



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Plums, Flashbacks, M/M, Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Stalking, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 21:30:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15916629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctovstrange/pseuds/doctovstrange
Summary: He wanted Bucky to come home.It’d been six months since Bucky, the control over him clearly wavering the more the two saw each other, had pulled him from the water, saving him from his probable death.To Steve it was a sign that Bucky was still in there somewhere, beneath what everyone saw as the Winter Soldier. It was only a matter of time, and a lot of patience, and he would be able to help Bucky be himself again.He needed to save his friend. His first love.





	I want you to come home

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters.
> 
> So I finished this in about an hour, whilst trying not to cry from the amount of pain my period is causing me right about now. It's probably not great.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Steve just wanted Bucky back and safe. He wanted the man he loved back in his arms. He wanted the nightmares of trains, reached out hands, and Bucky’s screams to end and for nights where Steve could hold Bucky close to him and breathe in the same smell that he would always have surrounding him when they shared a bed in their twenties.

He wanted to paint Bucky’s pasty skin with red and purple marks made exclusively with his lips and teeth. He wanted to hold Bucky’s body close to his, the two of them rocking together, bringing each other closer until come was spread between the two of them, making their bodies sticky and dry.

He wanted to draw Bucky naked and dripping and opened up just for him.

He wanted to open up Bucky so completely that he could move inside him with no resistance, bringing Bucky as much pleasure as he could as he fucked him into the table, into the sofa, into the wall.

He wanted Bucky to come home.

It’d been six months since Bucky, the control over him clearly wavering the more the two saw each other, had pulled him from the water, saving him from his probable death.

To Steve it was a sign that Bucky was still in there somewhere, beneath what everyone saw as the Winter Soldier. It was only a matter of time, and a lot of patience, and he would be able to help Bucky be himself again.

He _needed_ to save his friend. His _first love_.

Sam, just as Steve had expected, had been _very_ hesitant about going off grid and tracking down someone who, by Steve’s own admission, he didn’t even know anymore. Eventually, he caved.

“I have to find him, Sam,” Steve had said, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes, “I love him. I’ve loved him for eighty years, and _nothing_ , not you or Nat or Stark or Fury, will stop me from bringing Bucky home,” his shoulders moved with the force of the deep breaths he was taking, trying to keep himself calm.

He had made his decision the moment a flicker of recognition had registered in Bucky’s eyes at “ _I’m with you ‘till the end of the line_ ”, and he would be going after Bucky, whether Sam joined him or not.

The stern look on Sam’s face, ready to prevent Steve from going out of his way to risk his life for someone who could easily kill them both with very little effort, quickly turned to one of sympathy. He knew what it was like to lose someone that you love.

His fiancé had died while they were both still serving, and Sam had never truly forgiven himself for returning to America alive and without the person he loved most in the World still standing by his side.

They’d been following him everywhere they could track him to, Sam and Steve.

New York.

DC.

Brooklyn.

It was in Brooklyn that they found him, the irony of it making Steve smile slightly. Of course they would find him in the place the two of them had called home for so many years.

This was the place where he had wanted to start a family with Bucky, even when it would have resulted in them both going to jail and, potentially, ending up like Alan Turing had done.

Steve had done his research since he’d seen Bucky on the bridge. He knew how people had been treated for who they were and who they liked and how it had changed over the seventy years he was on ice, and he knew that he wanted to have a family with Bucky, whether it was in the near future or ten years down the line.

He wanted to help his friend come home and if they remained just friends, then Steve would be more than happy with that. All he needed was Bucky in his life.

New or old.

They were a long way off anything like that though, and Steve knew it. That’s why he was trying not to spook Bucky, even as he watched him from afar converse with a woman at a fruit stall.

Bucky’s hair was long, from what Steve could see, and he wore a baseball cap to try and cover his face. Steve doubted that anyone would recognise him as _the_ James Buchanan Barnes that had served alongside Captain America, but he appreciated what Bucky must have been feeling like in that moment.

He looked… better than Steve had been expecting.

There were still visible dark circles under his eyes, and he looked as though he hadn’t slept since Steve had last been face to face with him. He wondered whether he’d managed to get any rest at all in that time.

Steve had struggled to do so himself, his heart going out to Bucky.

He watched the ghost of his friend’s back as he bought plums. The thought of Bucky’s lips reddened with the juice of the fruits made Steve’s insides twist slightly, the images making him feel lost for a moment. 

When they were younger, Steve would spend his nights wrapped in every blanket the two of them owned, waiting for Bucky to get home from seeing whichever dame he'd chosen to woo that night.

There had been a couple of times where he'd tried to take Steve with him so they could double date, but girls didn't want Steve. They were always there for Bucky, and Bucky alone. There were even some nights where Steve would leave, walking himself home and trying not to think too much about what Bucky would do with his gal, and Bucky would spend the night with both of the girls, not just his own.

Those were the nights when Steve felt the most alone. 

Bucky would come back to their apartment, hair completely ruined and his lips and neck stained red with lipstick and bruises, a smile on his face, and the cockiness he felt showing in every part of his body. Steve would welcome him into their shared bed, laying his head down on Bucky's chest to hear his heartbeat, a small smile gracing his own face because  _he_ was the one that Bucky came home to every night, not the girls he'd go and see. 

Steve had been lost in his head for only a couple of moments, his vision clearing from the memories he had of cold night in the 30's where Bucky was wrapped around his back, to see that Bucky was no longer talking to the woman selling him plums.

All Bucky needed was a moment to escape, and he had taken it.

“Fuck,” Steve muttered to himself, pushing through the crowd and apologising to anyone he accidentally elbowed on his way to find the baseball cap in the crowd.

A metal hand reached out, wrapping itself tightly around Steve’s neck and forcing him down an alleyway and against a brick wall. Steve didn’t try to fight back, he needed to see that Bucky was safe.

“Buck?”

“Your technique needs a bit of work,” the brunette snarled, lip curling and his flesh arm coming up to rest on the wall next to Steve’s head, trapping him where he wanted him, "I was waiting to be impressed," he said cockily, a smirk briefly showing.

Steve took as deep a breath as he could with the hand around his neck, his blue eyes meeting Bucky’s blue-grey ones, “I came to bring you home, Buck,”

What Steve hadn’t expected was Bucky letting out a cold, harsh laugh, the sound completely out of place from the image that Steve had built in his head of what his friend had been like back in the 30’s and 40’s. He realised, only at that moment, that he had potentially made a mistake in coming here after all. Sam had been right. He’d put himself in an unimaginable amount of danger. He didn’t know who this man standing in front of him was anymore.

“You don’t understand,” Bucky said harshly, Steve feeling his hot breath on his cheekbone as he spoke, “I am not James Barnes. He died when he fell off the train,”

Steve swallowed, guilt rising slowly through his body, and making his limbs tingle, “I don’t believe that, Bucky,”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed slightly, clearly trying to suss out what Steve’s true motives were, “he never wanted you, you know,” he said suddenly, his voice hard to hear over the sound of the bustling footfall not too far from where they stood. Steve was almost surprised that he heard Bucky say anything at all, even with his super soldier hearing.

Steve stopped his slight struggle, horror evident on his face, “w-what?” he stammered, his hand falling from where it was gripping Bucky’s metal wrist. The tingling in his body increased, he wondered whether it was because of the lack of oxygen flowing around his body, but he wasn't sure he cared.

“Bucky, he never wanted you like you wanted him,”

Steve shook his head, “I don’t believe you,”

“Believe me, Steve. The Bucky Barnes you think you love, and you thought loved you back, is dead,” Bucky’s face changed for a second, a calm mask covering up any sign of emotion on his face quickly, “he’s never coming back,” he thought that Bucky, _the winter soldier_ , sounded almost  _sad_ about it. He didn't have time to ask, his own emotions changing wildly in a matter of moments. He didn’t want to believe it, his throat tightening at both what Bucky was telling him, and at the thought of never seeing his friend properly ever again.

“Buck-,”

“No, Steve,” Bucky stepped back from the blonde, putting a good deal of space between them and moving the baseball cap down to hide his face again. He picked his bag of plums up from where he had dropped them to hold onto Steve properly, swinging the bag slightly in his hand, “go home, let James Barnes rest in peace,” he said slowly, a loud breath leaving his nose as he looked Steve up and down, "take care of yourself," he said.

Bucky left Steve in the alleyway, alone.

He didn’t hear the sobs that left Steve’s mouth, the entirety of his body shaking as he smashed his fists repeatedly against the brick wall opposite him.

Steve couldn't believe what had happened, his heart trying to punch its way out of his mouth as he screamed so loudly it was silent. The pain he felt tripled that of what he'd felt when he'd watched his-  _the winter soldier_ \- fall from the train, reaching every bone in his body and crippling him until he fell onto the floor in a ball.

He felt so  _stupid_. 

Steve had told Sam that nothing and no one would stop him from bringing the love of his life back to his apartment to start their lives together again, but he hadn’t predicted the one person stopping him being Bucky himself. Or not.

He didn’t want to imagine life without him. He couldn’t live life without him. Even when he had nothing, he had Bucky.

And now Bucky was gone.

Bucky was gone, and he had taken the last part of Steve Rogers with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want me to make this a series. Next I want to write exactly what Bucky is thinking and feeling because I think there would be a lot more going on in his head than he lets on to Steve.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> edit: I added a bit more to this the day after I posted it because I was barely awake writing it the first night


End file.
